mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
