i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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