I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
