You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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