oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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