The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize