you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
