Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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