Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
