I can tuck mytits in my pants
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
