she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
