dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
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