Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
