Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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