You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
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Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
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When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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