Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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