Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize