I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
