Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
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It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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