after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
