Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
