my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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