I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
