Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
