i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
