Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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