dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
