ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
