i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
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Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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