I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Randomize
