he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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