I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
