while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
