I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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