i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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