I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
it's like heaven, but drunker
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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