Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
