# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
