upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
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I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
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I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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