omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
