hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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