Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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