found the other keg... it's in the tree
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
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If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
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It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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