so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
