Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
