She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize