now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
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