I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
