I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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