I got chris browned last night
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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