I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
