I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
