Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
