some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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