last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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