bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
