Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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