Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
