If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize