Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
