You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
