I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
